Depeche Mode 1984

Depeche Mode 1984



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  • «Hot HAIR (about 1983/84)
    You will need:
    1 STUPID PRATT (preferably aged — about 22 should do it)
    1 LARGE MIRROR (doctored to look as flattering as possible)
    1 HEAD OF STRAGGLY, UNKEMPT HAIR (do NOT wash thoroughly)
    FULL HOLD HAIR GEL (2 tubes)
    1 COMB
    HOVIS BREAD (1 loaf)
    ELNETTE TURBO-NUTTER-BASTARD STRENGTH HAIRSPRAY (3 cans)
    1 BLINKERED ATTITUDE
    1 POOFY EIGHTIES POP BAND
    GAGGLE OF TEENAGE GIRLS
    1 PACKET CONDOMS

    Take stupid pratt and stand for half an hour in front of the large mirror. Start by coating straggly hair thoroughly with both tubes of full hold hair gel, being careful to ensure sideburns are not missed. Using comb, scoop upwards to resemble loaf of bread and immediately cover LIBERALLY with hair spray (remembering to save some for the garnish). DO NOT MOVE UNTIL SET.
    Next, ignore the fact that everyone’s saying «Look at that stupid pratt who looks like he’s got a loaf of bread on his head» and place firmly in an equally badly dressed and follically-disastrous 80’s pop band. Finally, add one more spray of Elnette and serve immediately to gaggle of teenage girls who’ll tell him he looks great.